I am a 20 years old girl, I’m engaged for 4 years, and we were about to get married, but a month before the wedding, we broke up, but unfortunately; a sexual relation had happened between us, now I am very confused, I cannot say anything to my family, I do not know what to do, he does not care at all about it, he got married to someone else, but what I want to know: can a girl be deflowered from one-time only, or can be done in stages? Especially that I had bled quite a bit of blood, this relationship has been repeated about twice ... what should I do?
Dr. Heba Kotb,
In such cases I try very hard to separate between my feelings and being a doctor, but I've never personally sympathize with such cases from the general public, and especially girls, people who overindulge in the rights of God to them, and girls who overuse in the most valued possessions for the girl and the holiest thing that distinguishes her is chastity, particularly when the sin is one of sins such as adultery....
The meaning of the publication of this letter is not a call for the normalization of these messages, nor soft in accepting it, but because it is a live example of what is happening in the real world, most of the time when the young man loses confidence in his fiancée, and sometimes he says literally "I do not have to marry a girl who is not virgin," and perhaps this is a warning bell against the leniency of the treatment between the engaged, and an invitation to return to the laws of all religions and controls that God placed in our favor and to save the symptoms, communities, families and above all, to save the dignity of women who God spoiled her and endowed with various rights .
Back to the questions that I will answer very objectively and say:
For the defloration of the hymen of one-time or more it depends on the hymen type, there are types be deflowered once fully, and other types be deflowered at times even up to 3-4 sexual encounters until it is completely done, and there are types never be deflowered but over big body inside the vaginal canal, such as natural childbirth, and these are rubber types.
Including that there has been sexual relationship twice, including bleeding- even a little- it is very, very likely, if not certain- that the defloration's already done, it is natural that all this bleeding of defloration is a few little like that was described in this letter ....
Finally i whisper in the ear of every boy and girl, and I say that one of the biggest losses in this world that man holds the status of "adulterer" or "adulteress" and that a man does not repent of this gruesome sin and is trying in various ways to erase this sin by the good things and leave the excesses, carry the banner of the adulterer or the harlot in the great day in front of the Lord of the throne, Lord of the Worlds, feel pity about yourselves, my friends from a painful fate in this world, and a difficult punsihment in the afterlife.
Finally, I say to partner with this girl in this wrong relationship, do not count that you got away with that work, but the punishment of God for you is definitely coming, perhaps in the world, and perhaps in the hereafter, the fact that the sexual relationship does not leave physical sign of the man, it is not a measure of the balance of his works of the advantages and disadvantages , and also is not our Creator balance who knows what inside us, which held accountable, including Outwardly and inwardly of business ... but in our minds all the following hadith Qudsi:
"Righteousness does not go away, and do not forget the guilt, and the Judge -Allah Almighty does not die, do what you want, as condemning the condemned."