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Does FGM affect the marital relationship, and what is the difference between a girl has FGM and a girl hadn’t made it?

Dr. Heba Kotb,

Since we have talked in previous writings every detail about FGM, I will refer here to the points will clarify the matter without frills or any other non-scientific considerations. The FGM is simply the removal of the clitoris itself, only its cover or skin (that is less types of FGM) or perhaps degrees of FGM are more, higher and worse than this in various forms of performance... Generally, whatever the degree of FGM it does not prevent in any way the wife to enjoy the sexual relation with her husband or the contrary, there are nerve endings as there is friction and lead to the same result.

The most important of this and that is the nervous system of women and its programming way, emotional fuel that controls the whole thing almost - from 80 to 90% - for women, the emotional and sentimental contact between both parties of the sexual relationship, methods of foreplay and sexual performance that need a verbal communication between the couple, each one recognizes the other's need and his or her excitement places and that Almighty Allah makes it different between one person and another just like a fingerprint. And that is for wisdom should elicit attention. ; The enjoyable issue is not an innate 100% as many people think but it is a function that is surrounded by humanitarian and emotional feelings films from each side and may be woman who has done the FGM is positive, interactive and responsive in sexual relation and may be cold. This is not the case due to lack of FGM and that is not resulting from FGM, but the only factor that holds these variables is the emotional communication between the couple all the sensual, sexual and living inclusions.

Beware my friend believes that while many think about the fact that the passion and sex are separated. If your wife has done the FGM and found her not interactive with you, the solution is very easy, try to fix things between you and her and then things will be better, God willing.
What happens after the marital relationship?
I am 25 years old, married for one year, my inquiry is that after intimacy with my husband , i cannot bear the simplest fondling from him for two hours or more, and became very nervous if he tries to fondle me gently, knowing that my husband is very tender with me .. Thank you ..

Dr. Heba Kotb,

The complaint is limited to the fourth phase of the sexual cycle (see the sex session in the archive), as you say that you do not bear anything have a sexual connotation, and also that this last for two hours or more, and here I tell you what you are complaining of is purely psychological symptoms, from the scientific point of view, women are different from men in this point specifically, she does not need silence or rest periods between two sexual sessions, but can continue in sexual activity for several consecutive sessions ...as for the man is the one who is exposed to these periods of silence between each sexual cycle and other ,
this difference is due to the variance in synthetic form of the sexual parts of both of them ... As for what happens to you, madam, it may be just programming for nervous system on it, you were told that women get nervous and perhaps chilling if her husband tried to touch or fondled after a sexual encounter, so this engraved in your mind and your nervous system has been programmed on this basis, but it is not scientifically origin or organically at all ..as for your husband let me tell you something about him .. all standards are fixed for him from a scientific point of view he is incapable for sexual interaction, but he does not have the ability to sexual desire mainly after sexual encounter.

As for his fondling to you are emotional fondling and not sexuality foreplay, the door of sex has forcibly closed for varying period after doing it with you, why don't you act like him? our dear friend, you start with yourself as a first step of trying to separate between the passion and desire, then you evolve by reprogramming your nervous system to become things in your favor, and this is gradually at the beginning of trying to control your nervous that results from fondling your husband to you, then little by little until these caresses become a source of pleasure and satisfaction to both of you as long as your spouse has this tenderness that you referred to it.

Finally Know my dear friend that Allah has created hidden powers between ourselves corners enabled us to place our feelings as perceived by us the circumstances surrounding, nothing is easier than to give in to what is bad for us, but the most beautiful is to wait and overcome what we see as a reality that cannot be traversed or change it, especially in the case such as yours, where it imposed itself on you as to prevent your happiness with your husband a way that acceptable, and so you waste on yourself and his times that is one of the most beautiful times in your life together.
So enjoy Madam and enrich your enjoyment with your husband, have more pleasure with him, response proactively to him, and show him that. It will add happiness in your marital life that we ask Allah to write persistent, renewable and permanent happiness for each other, Allah willing
I received a message from one of the Egyptians living in America, married to an American woman - the first question about G-spot ,the second question is for fondling a woman's breasts and the extent of how much her arousal as a result of this kind of foreplay.

Dr. Heba Kotb,

This spot's name relative to a German gynecologist named "Grafenberg", It is just a scientific theory proposed by this doctor, as many think... This doctor was based his belief that the nerve endings in the walls of the vaginal canal is almost entirely concentrated in the so-called "G - spot" ,which is located- based on his description- a distance of about 4-5 cm from the external vaginal opening in the front wall of the vagina. But the medical outlook for this theory does not go beyond being a theory, because the successive research’s in the following decades to the emergence of this theory proved that the maximum enjoy areas vary from woman to another and is not fixed at this point, there are those who enjoy from the back wall of the vaginal canal, and there are those who enjoy from the side walls, and there's also enjoy from the front wall, and perhaps at "G- spot" or above or below, but the fame of the "G- spot" came because of the entry angle of the penis during intercourse, and also the existence of convergence between skeletal bones pelvic point in its place in the body, making the "G spot" confined between two compressor areas, one in front of her "Bones" and the other behind her "penis", which makes the nerve endings anxious dually and come back to say that this issue is not fixed at all the women, the data may vary and affects the results.
Here I cannot fail to say that your wife, may already be enjoying but because of the expectation that there is "G- spot" and that the Internal enjoy looks like the out enjoy and leering, she may be unable to identify her enjoyment as enjoyment, she does not take notice of it, do not pick it from her sentiment, because of the preoccupation with the issue of her mind waiting another feeling never comes ... tell her, dear sir about these scientific facts and let her clear her mind to receive what is happening from the emotions and measure her enjoyment on it later, and not on something imaginary she did not feel it before at all, which is originally something hypothetical and theoretical and does not include being located and firmly to all women as thought most of them, but most men also.
For the second question..... I say, there are two important points in this regard:

The first point:
That sense of sexual excitement being transferred through breast fondling is the same sense for male and female, The anatomical difference between both sexes is only in the development and growth of mammary glands in the breast, which is growing at women because she is the party who breastfeeds her child, Therefore the breast must be ready for the next job for the female, with the help of femininity hormones secreted by the ovaries before reaching puberty , As for the sense of sexual excitement ,the nerve endings in the breast nipples are responsible for it ,and This is the same thing for both sexes.


The second point:
That arousal resulting from fondling breast nipples is a part of the sexual stereotypes, But the extent and how much enjoy and therefore how much arousal resulting from it in both sexes, this is the thing that is under the flexible sexual template for each person -review the sexual templates- that things are not under specific rules my dear friend, but they are under the personal preferences of each of the spouses in the preferred way for them to feel sexual satisfaction and enjoy, this talk and these fixed facts applies on all the excitement ways between spouses, whether manual or oral excitement also included your question, my friend.

As for your comment about the US spouse, it does not make a difference in these things, as being a Muslim and definitely a committed girl, it buts her in the clique of girls who are unaware about sex more than they know, and so the problem is the same be whether American or Egyptian or Arab or were foreign spouse or anything else .. I felt myself this match in complaints of sexual relations between the cases I see in Egypt and those that I used to hear the medical reporting about it from my colleagues who specialize in sexual science in the United States and also in Europe, especially in Germany, despite what Germany is famous for its sexual pornography, lack of familiarity with the adequate sexual culture between couples who are committed, which produces the same queries, which sometimes turn to the endemic problems when they are not treated early ...
God bless you both and also to collect between you and your spouse always in good authorization of the Almighty Lord
I am a girl I was engaged and practiced incomplete sex with my fiancé, but we separated and since then I reserve to masturbation, cannot give it away, every time i remember what was happening between us, I feel excited sexually. I tried to follow your advice, but I cannot... what should I do?

Dr. Heba Kotb,

Oh my girl, you are a living example of the reason for the prohibition being alone with your fiancé during the engagement, the situation is : young man and young woman love each other to have an overwhelming desire and rich feelings, alone with each other, and the third is ... the devil; you are saying exactly what occurs.
And events evolve until it reaches to what you have described, and if we want to call things with their names, it is adultery ... Yes adultery although not full so requires had generally.
First of all : You have to repent in good and sincere faith for what you did so what you have done turns from your balance of bad deed to your balance of good deeds.
The scientific explanation of what happened to you, is that you were a white page in terms of desire and sexual enjoyments, in terms of sexual template, this man came and began to engrave that white page, it is clear that this issue has repeated so it left deep marks, and left you in the case of could not give a way this feeling.
But if you have kept yourself from these taboos; you would save all these pleasures for your future husband, and protect yourself from all this misery that you feel now.
Overall, Allah forbid, and willing to do, but as I told you...now you just have to repent and quit masturbation, and desperate attempt to restore the first innocence; so this case does not affect your marriage in the near future, God willing.
As for being tried to follow my advice, this talk I hear a lot from people with a little will and determination who want to stick their failure in flimsy causes, and thus reconcile with themselves and with regard to feel guilty about what they fail to achieve take-off errors, and you are now, such as patient who the doctor has described the right medicine to his recovery, then came to the doctor at the next visit to complain about not recovering from injury; because he did not like the taste of medication; therefore decided not to take it !!!! So; who is mistaken here? Is it required from the doctor to prescribe appropriate medication to the patient to cure his condition, or a medication that the patient likes taste of it?!
I leave the answer to the readers ... I pray for you and everyone to be guided by Allah
I am a 20 years old girl, I’m engaged for 4 years, and we were about to get married, but a month before the wedding, we broke up, but unfortunately; a sexual relation had happened between us, now I am very confused, I cannot say anything to my family, I do not know what to do, he does not care at all about it, he got married to someone else, but what I want to know: can a girl be deflowered from one-time only, or can be done in stages? Especially that I had bled quite a bit of blood, this relationship has been repeated about twice ... what should I do?

Dr. Heba Kotb,

In such cases I try very hard to separate between my feelings and being a doctor, but I've never personally sympathize with such cases from the general public, and especially girls, people who overindulge in the rights of God to them, and girls who overuse in the most valued possessions for the girl and the holiest thing that distinguishes her is chastity, particularly when the sin is one of sins such as adultery....
The meaning of the publication of this letter is not a call for the normalization of these messages, nor soft in accepting it, but because it is a live example of what is happening in the real world, most of the time when the young man loses confidence in his fiancée, and sometimes he says literally "I do not have to marry a girl who is not virgin," and perhaps this is a warning bell against the leniency of the treatment between the engaged, and an invitation to return to the laws of all religions and controls that God placed in our favor and to save the symptoms, communities, families and above all, to save the dignity of women who God spoiled her and endowed with various rights .
Back to the questions that I will answer very objectively and say:
For the defloration of the hymen of one-time or more it depends on the hymen type, there are types be deflowered once fully, and other types be deflowered at times even up to 3-4 sexual encounters until it is completely done, and there are types never be deflowered but over big body inside the vaginal canal, such as natural childbirth, and these are rubber types.
Including that there has been sexual relationship twice, including bleeding- even a little- it is very, very likely, if not certain- that the defloration's already done, it is natural that all this bleeding of defloration is a few little like that was described in this letter ....
Finally i whisper in the ear of every boy and girl, and I say that one of the biggest losses in this world that man holds the status of "adulterer" or "adulteress" and that a man does not repent of this gruesome sin and is trying in various ways to erase this sin by the good things and leave the excesses, carry the banner of the adulterer or the harlot in the great day in front of the Lord of the throne, Lord of the Worlds, feel pity about yourselves, my friends from a painful fate in this world, and a difficult punsihment in the afterlife.
Finally, I say to partner with this girl in this wrong relationship, do not count that you got away with that work, but the punishment of God for you is definitely coming, perhaps in the world, and perhaps in the hereafter, the fact that the sexual relationship does not leave physical sign of the man, it is not a measure of the balance of his works of the advantages and disadvantages , and also is not our Creator balance who knows what inside us, which held accountable, including Outwardly and inwardly of business ... but in our minds all the following hadith Qudsi:
"Righteousness does not go away, and do not forget the guilt, and the Judge -Allah Almighty does not die, do what you want, as condemning the condemned."
Does FGM affect the marital relationship, and what is the difference between a girl did FGM and a girl did not do it ?!

Dr. Heba Kotb,
Since we have talked in previous writings every detail about FGM, I will refer here to the points that will clarify the matter without frills or any other non-scientific considerations.
The FGM is simply the removal of the clitoris itself, only its cover or skin (that is less types of FGM) or perhaps degrees of FGM, higher and worse than this in various forms of performance... Generally, whatever the degree of FGM it doesn't prevent in any way the wife to enjoy the sexual relation with her husband or on the contrary, there are nerve endings as there is friction and lead to the same result. The most important is the nervous system of women and its programming way, emotional fuel that controls the whole thing almost - from 80 to 90% of women the emotional and sentimental contact between both parties of the sexual relationship, methods of foreplay and sexual performance that need a verbal communication between the couple so each one recognizes the other's need and his or her excitement places. The Almighty God makes it different from one person to another just like a fingerprint and that is for wisdom should elicit attention. ; The enjoyable issue is not an essential 100% as many people think, but it is a function that is surrounded by humanitarian and emotional feelings from each side.
Also may be woman who has done the FGM be more interactive and responsive in sexual relation and may be not, this is not the case due to lack of FGM and that is not resulting from FGM, but the only factor that holds these variables is the emotional communication between the couple sexual and living inclusions.
Beware my friend believes that while many think about the fact that passion and sex are separated, If your wife has done the FGM and found her not interactive with you, the solution is very easy, try to fix things between you and her and then things will be better , God willing.
I am a married woman of five years, my husband is abroad, and he usually come for a short period (between a month and a month and a half), I always feel delighted when he returns home, but during intercourse, I feel some hurts for a while and then get used to it, then he travels again, this is my marriage life routine, I’m psychologically tired of this on/off sexual life, I cannot find a solution.. !!

Dr. Heba Kotb,

Many couples of similar circumstances faces frequent repetition of this problem when husbands travels for work purposes whether domestic or abroad, and the consequent lack of husband presence with wife constantly, thus irregular sexual relationship that ensure smooth performance and enjoyment between husband and wife especially the wife, which require smoother performance with regularity in the relationship that works to increase the flexibility of rubber tissue found on slot Vagina.
The solution to this problem is a simple exercise for the wife to do during the absence of husband on a daily basis and periodically in order not to lose flexibility that occur regularity in the relationship with your husband, a tightening of the skin outside the rear wall of the vaginal will open and you'll be doing it yourself and continue doing this exercise whenever you get the opportunity to do so, it will give you the same result of regularity in the relationship with your husband , and you will find the results of this simple exercise when your husband back in the next vacation God willing
I am a 21 years old girl, there is a problem that i don't know is it a disease or something else, in this age I really want to have sex, but not with guys, but with girls, and I feel so much pleasure when fantasizing I kiss a specific girl, I feel I’m the guy and she is the girl ..i have this problem since a long time, i really wish someone answer me and tell me what's wrong, and I wish you could fairly describe to me a doctor if needed; also there is a person who wants to marry me, and I’m scared to say yes and get married, and then not feel pleasure with him because I like pleasure with girls more, i wish someone find me a solution and Thanks.

Dr. Heba Kotb,
What you're feeling so-called is "homosexual tendencies", any sexual tendency to the same sex, whether it is a male that tends to male (or males in general) or female tend to female (or females in general), this is not instinctively or congenitally, as some think, or as American Studies says in this regard (until the year 1978, the US researchers consider homosexual tendencies and homosexual practices of sexual and behavioral deviations, then suddenly they changed their minds) But religious constants which are fixed and entrenched to forever do not say so, thus, what you are suffering from is psychological and sensory disorder, can develop into a behavioral disorder if the subject came out with thoughts of your mind.

There are many and various reasons for this situation to occur and often return to the first growing up surrounding circumstances, the composition of the social sex of the child (Gender), therefore do not mind at all of your marriage, as for the issue of pleasure with your husband and your sense with him don’t be afraid of this issue, it will inevitably come, especially if the husband understand his role for lighten the perceptions of his wife and understand the arts of enjoyment, but it is recommended for you to have some psychotherapy sessions to get rid of this behavioral disorder that you suffer from, and have some sexual therapy sessions to learn how to overcome these tendencies and replace them with natural tendencies, however; the best treatment is to get married, your feelings template must remain full, and it is very healthy to replace the incorrect tendencies to another correct, the presence of the husband in this case provides a perfect tool for this replacement, so the treatment is easier and faster and certain, God willing.

I hope some people do not think of it as exploitation of the husband; on the contrary, it is the most undeserved overflow of love, tenderness and sexual tendency that may sought by many couples and do not find it, as discernment of God is good of course. God said: "We have created man in the best stature" ... Al-Teen (4) and we must proceed from this principle, not tainted by any defect in our minds, not be influenced by the culture of disbelieve in Allah and His prophet, to find a legitimate way out to the whims that they invented, they wanted to dye it the dress of legitimacy, to be the hall-stand that they hang their sins on it, so their picture remain a bright white "falsely" in front of themselves and their consciences.
Doctor ... I am suffering from a serious problem...I am from upper Egypt from Assiut , my wife is very sensitive more than needed, and I have a strong libido, she doesn’t has the same feeling , so i get in relationship with other women because i am tired of it ...i wish you find me a solution.

Dr. Heba Kotb,
You did not explain what you mean by the word "very sensitive more than needed" does it mean she rejects to increase times of the sexual relationship, or she rejects the increase in duration of the sexual relationship, or refuses to be responsive with you in a sexual relationship, or pretending to be upset by the sexual relationship , or reserve while acting in sexual relationship, or whether she is not emotionally responsive with you, or she does not share her lust, or she refuses to accept your desire for the sexual relationship ?
All these are possibilities to the expression in your question, which is " sensitive more than needed " ... and " she has not the same feeling," But in any case, it looks like you are newlywed so be patient with your bride, my dear friend, there is a possibility that it’s female shyness and pristine modesty prevent her from professing that she has a desire to you, or to always be waiting for you desiring her, especially for the sexual relationship that she grew up to think that a woman who is thinking of the sexual relationship is a bad woman with a bad reputation, as for that she has not the same feeling to you, the same high-raging desire, it has two explanations ..

The first explanation:

Women's desire is less than men's desire in terms of lust, so it is quite normal your lust for your wife more than hers.

The second explanation:

That your wife does not enjoy enough to be satisfied and eager to seek for the sexual relationship, this may be due to one of the elements of sexual ignorance you have, or some of the cultural and social projections that allow a man all the enjoyment ways and rights, and on the other hand woman remains in the spectator seat who condemns everything related to "Sex ", If both of them do not try to break this barrier so-called "sexual ignorance", and that lies between them like firm mountain which prevents both of them from exceeding a place to meet with the other in the middle of the road to have the great pleasure, and maximum halal enjoyment, and then achieve psychological, spiritual and physical happiness to be the best of enjoyment types, both of them will still be crouching in the dark , and will continue to be thirsty while water is so close.... break this barrier, my friend and start a long, frank and nice talk with your wife and tell her how you feel, your desire for her, and also encourage her to tell you honestly what she hates in the relationship, and what she likes and does not like in it, and encourage her to unleash the instincts and desires, it is God Halal guaranteed to her, as she has a desire just like you, able to enjoy just like you, and have a fully share half of that relationship, as it is a "marital relationship" ...
God said: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable".. Surah El Baqara (228)
 "You have nowhere else to get your sexuality but from your spouse. It's the only source available, so it's very important."
And for the men she has some blunt advice: "You have to have foreplay with your wife and you have to have sex with her frequently, not just when you want to."
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